NoMo Blog

Snap out of it - food and change and you
It was on reading yet another piece of exceptional, but bleak, journalism about the impact of chocolate production on the environment that I realised just how little these types of articles actually effect the change that they seek to inspire. No one needs skinny, white middle-class journalists telling them what ...
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Anita talks desire, adultery and relationships with Christine Wild
Last week, I was lucky to be asked to talk about desire and conscious relationships with writer and sex blogger and all round intelligent and wonderful human being, Christine Wild. Post to follow but the podcast is here and her book (and mine!) can be bought on Amazon… https://www.amazon.co.uk/Just-Bad-Timing-frustrating-timezones/dp/2970123002/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1524911470&sr=8-1&keywords=just+bad+timing ...
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How being "selfish" made me a better parent
One of the most common accusations I have had levelled at me since I came out about my open marriage, subsequent separation and now polyamorous lifestyle is that I was the epitome of selfishness. I promise you that no one has thought that about me more then I have. The ...
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NoMo on BBC Radio Five Live
Your founders were asked to contribute to a conversation about polyamory and non-monogamy on BBC Radio Five Live earlier in April 2018. The dialogue was between us as well as a psychologist and researcher, Dr Christine Campbell, and relationship coach, Sam Owen. Listen from 2:36. We would love to know ...
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Touchndance

Monogamy and touch

Monogamy and touch
We all know what monogamy means, right? “Not having penetrative sex with anyone who isn’t your current partner”. But, in my experience, lots of people who count themselves as monogamous feel jealousy about their partner sharing other forms of touch with someone else. How about sharing a lingering hug? Having ...
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NoMo: Icebreaker April 2018 - Climbing and comfort zones
As a change from the norm, NoMo gathered at Clip’n’Climb in Chelsea to push our limits and enjoy some laughter. Harnessed up, we then scaled and raced each other up various fun and VERY high climbing walls before abseiling down and landing, some more gracefully than others, on the much ...
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What "The School Of Life" has wrong about polyamory and non-monogamy
A post from 2016 by The School of Life is making the rounds again and, having watched it, we at NoMo had a few things to say… Links to the video and written article at the end. Poly as the “cure” for fading LTR’s The piece begins by talking about ...
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NoMo on LBC Radio's "Sex and Relationships": Idealists and Pragmatists
On March 31st, I had the pleasure of being invited as a guest to Lucy Beresford‘s “Sex and Relationships” show on LBC Radio to talk about open relationships and polyamory. The topic of last Saturday’s broadcast, titled “Do open relationship ever work?“, was successful non-monogamous stories. This notion, I was ...
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Consent and conscious relationships
I write a lot about sex in my novel Appetite but I never mention consent. Not writing about consent was a deliberate act. I chose not to discuss how Naomi and Mike interacted with each other and how they discussed their encounters both on and offline, because this is how ...
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NoMo's March 2018 Icebreaker social
It was almost literally an ice-breaker this month as half a dozen conscious relaters and ethical explorers braved the wintry weather and the troubled travel network to meet, share and connect. The night was the usual fun mix of conversation and support. Topics of discussion included label-free relationships, masculinity as ...
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anitacassidy

Do you know your own mind?

Do you know your own mind?
When was the last time you thought about your brain? That pound of grey jelly in your head is the most sophisticated, and significant, part of your body and yet most of us never think of it at all. As we age, many of us focus on strengthening our bodies ...
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anitacassidy

Fifty Shades of Nonsense

Fifty Shades of Nonsense
So, the latest and last of the Fifty Shades films came out this week. Cue the clamour of rightful dismay and anger from both the BDSM as well as conscious relationship community about the terrible terrible TERRIBLE way in which it tries to portray both kink as well as humans ...
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Poly in the mainstream media (1)
I will write ocasional posts about the way in which polyamory and non-monogamy is portrayed in the mainstream media. Kimchi Cuddles is funny on the way in which poly pieces are always headlined by feet sticking out of a bed and there is, oddly, an emphasis on white people with coloured ...
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nomoradicalrelationships

NoMo: Icebreaker Feb 2018

NoMo: Icebreaker Feb 2018
What a fabulous February Friday night! NoMo, the conscious relationships community, came together last Friday to meet, talk and hug. It was wonderful to see so many new faces as well as to give a warm hello to those who have been coming regularly now for more than a few ...
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Bisexuality and binary thinking
Binary thinking is entrenched in western culture and, to some extent, we would not even exist as a species without it. That split second when your body steps away from the kerb and you are saved from the speeding car. The fight-or-flight response. This intuitive, snap-second thinking can save our ...
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anitacassidy

Change and acceptance

Change and acceptance
Everything is always changing so nothing can be yours – Shunryu Suzuki I love the sense of calm that this line induces in me but I would be lying if I said I had always had an easy relationship with change. When our belief systems are challenged by our feelings ...
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anitacassidy

Conscious monogamy

Conscious monogamy
At the start of a new year, many people assess their emotional wellbeing and their relationships. It’s natural to use this turning point of the old year to the new to evaluate and review where we are, and to think of what we wish for and what we might want ...
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anitacassidy

Someone you know is kinky…

Someone you know is kinky...
One of those someone’s is me. Since the first big interview I have done as part of the publicity for my book, Appetite, is soon to be published (The Guardian on Saturday 20th January), I wanted to own and make clear the references I make with regards myself and kink. I ...
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NoMo:Icebreaker kick-starts 2018!
NoMo waves hello to 2018 and what a start it was with a packed and lively social on Friday the 5th! We had over 15 people in attendance at the first social of 2018 and, with a great mix of people who are consciously monogamous, new to non-monogamy and some ...
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argonaute

Always two there are

Always two there are
Like many of you, I spent last New Year’s Eve in the company of some friends, a mix of known faces and new ones. Also thanks to the inevitable board game, as the house party kicked off we all got the opportunity to know each other better. I don’t make ...
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Being seen, or Who is organising the diary in your relationship?
Sometimes we uncover BIG things. Sometimes, the work of months and months of therapy can feel very unrewarding, the feeling and seeing of so much internal pain just makes you feel so much worse rather than “better”.  This is a common reason why people end therapy but also one of ...
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How NOT to open your relationship...
I read this article and posted this tweet today. No explicit conversations, relying on “mutual understanding”, ignoring boundaries as well as ignoring the act of ignoring boundaries. These non-monogamous rel’s didn’t work because some basic respect and communication were not in place first… http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a13732816/my-open-relationship-was-a-disaster/ But I also wanted to elaborate ...
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nomoradicalrelationships

Winter update and 2018 dates

Winter update and 2018 dates
A welcome as warm as a log fire in a wintry Scottish cottage… this is what you can expect from a NoMo social and the dates are up (for registered members) for the first half of 2018. Check them out and pop them in your diary! If you would like ...
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Label-free and limitless relationships: Embracing relational authenticity
One of the first things we do with children is teach them the ‘names’, the ‘labels’ of things. Mummy. Daddy. Sister. Apple. Tree. Bird. We employ words to make sense of the world, to aid us in communicating with each other and to simplify the complexity we find all around ...
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nomoradicalrelationships

November’s NoMo Icebreaker

November's NoMo Icebreaker
There was the usual wonderful mix of new and familiar faces at the November NoMo Icebreaker social! It is always so good to see and experience the vibrant mix of people who are both brand new to poly and those who were doing it before there was even a word ...
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anitacassidy

Be careful out there…

Be careful out there...
It is fascinating to see so many representations of non-monogamy and polyamory surfacing in the media at the moment. We are, I suspect,  reaching “peak” poly: a point in the media landscape where this choice of relationship framework becomes a trend and not just a fad. I am equally as ...
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Why you should stop trying to protect people's feelings*
In pondering polyamory and my journey so far, it occurred to me that almost all the problems I have encountered in the last eighteen months have been due to trying to protect the feelings of a partner(s). This has taken the form of downplaying excitement about a new relationship, not ...
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Mono & NoMo - the differences between unconscious monogamy and radical relationships
Before I begin, it is important to state that this is not an attack on monogamy but on UNCONSCIOUS monogamy. By this I mean the state in which relationships are begun and maintained with no conscious and open dialogue about monogamy, socially reinforced relationship patterns/structures (e.g. the relationship escalator) and ...
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This week we are mostly reading...
A hello and an autumnal update from your radical relaters! After a busy summer, NoMo are all very much “back to school” and working and reading as much as possible. One of your team, Anita, has a novel being published in the new year (more details to follow!) and other ...
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September 2017's Icebreaker social
Radical relaters and ethical explorers from across London and the wider area gathered last Friday to share their stories and discuss topics that were as varied as our backgrounds and experiences. With ages spanning three decades we are proving to be a diverse and always engaging group with everyone bringing ...
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nomoradicalrelationships

Tweet-tweet!

Tweet-tweet!
You may or may not realise that NoMo is also on Twitter! The twitter platform varies from the main site by giving you more news, beautiful quotes and thought-provoking poly questions across the week. We tweet most days and would love you to follow us or let us know if ...
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Rilke and radical relationships
Radical relationships support solitude and self care. This quote beautifully reflects the importance of giving each other that space and time to be alone without seeing it as a threat to the relationship. Rilke was a radical relater… can you suggest any one else from history who shared the ethos ...
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anitacassidy

What love is (to me)

What love is (to me)
The Greeks had six words for love, many European languages distinguish between romantic and familial love and yet English is terribly restrained and minimalist leaving us with a mere one word with a scant four letters with which to talk about one of the most complex emotions that we experience ...
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NoMo's third time - August's Icebreaker
When the politics of work, behavioural science, kink and Kant all come up in the first five minutes of a social then you know you are at a NoMo event. Relationship radicals, some from as far afield as Brisbane, gathered in central London last night to talk about the wonderful ...
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NoMo on tour - Spain 2017
Some of your relationship radicals went overseas a few weeks ago to enjoy the sights and sounds of the little known but very awesome Benicassim music festival. Much music, seaside fun and paella was enjoyed but, as relationship radicals, we are never on holiday, and so we took the opportunity ...
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Being poly and only dating one person
I have been polyamorous for nearly two years and, yet, for almost the whole of that time I have only been in one relationship. I love meeting new people. I am always coming across interesting people in my social circles and I feel very lucky to have made, and be ...
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NoMo's second time... it just keeps getting better...
Ethical explorers gathered by the evening-sun lit river for the second NoMo Icebreaker and much sparkling water and sparkling conversation was enjoyed by all… or maybe just me for the water! It was great to see new friends, as well as old, and to be able to share stories about ...
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nomoradicalrelationships

NoMo at Pride 2017

NoMo at Pride 2017
NoMo attended Pride for the first time this year as openly polyamorous relationship radicals and felt very proud indeed to be part of such a happy, welcoming and vibrant event. To hear people explaining to their friends that they feel attracted to “people” not genders felt like a really positive ...
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nomoradicalrelationships

NoMo’s first time…

NoMo's first time...
As with any first time, we were nervous, we were excited… The first get together of the Radical Relaters took place on the 2nd June and was a wonderful experience. Over drinks in a buzzy London bar, we talked about sex clubs, the London fetish scene, consent, giving feedback and open ...
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anitacassidy

On change and loss

On change and loss
Radical relationships understand the constant presence of change. It is this, the immediate and obvious presence of, not just others, but the end (and not end as in and they lived happily ever after but the end as in: this will change) that differentiates them so significantly from monogamous relationships. Change is one issue ...
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How I Got Here... by Andrea
My journey to non-monogamy started when I was about 20. From an early age, I was aware that, for me at least, something was not quite right with traditional relationships. The ever-present, life-long expectations of one partner on the other, the pressure to perform at home and conform to society’s ...
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How I Got Here... by Anita
I walked down the aisle in 2006 loving Marc and trusting in our forever future. I knew changes would come, difficulties, ups and downs but I never, ever expected to be where I am now. We got married after two years together. We moved home, had two beautiful children together ...
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