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Mono & NoMo – the differences between unconscious monogamy and radical relationships

Before I begin, it is important to state that this is not an attack on monogamy but on UNCONSCIOUS monogamy. By this I mean the state in which relationships are begun and maintained with no conscious and open dialogue about monogamy, socially reinforced relationship patterns/structures (e.g. the relationship escalator) and how the relationship operates within that framework.

In my experience, unconscious monogamy can look like…

Scarcity mentality
Anxious attachment
Co-dependency
Rushed and fearful of, or clinging to, time
Fixed and rigid
Conflict avoidance – all conflict and disagreement is seen as negative
Key phrase: I don’t want to die alone…

For me, NoMo and radical relationships work towards looking like…

Trusting
Openness
Emotional autonomy
Freedom from time
Sense of abundance
Fluid and flexible
Accepting of, and with positive management of, conflict
Key phrase: I accept all that life brings, including change and loss

Successful NoMo – radical – relationships (and by successful I mean relationships which encourage and support growth and learning, which accept change, as well as the full and honest expression of needs – both physical and emotional – with no blaming or shaming and which foster personal autonomy as well as personal responsibility) see these goals as things that are dynamic and ever developing.

Radical relaters see that relationships with others are founded first, and foremost, on our relationship with the self and even life itself.

Radical relaters, as much as possible, and with an awareness that it will often be very hard, welcome change and the challenges that relationships in, and within, life bring.

This is what NoMo and radical relationships mean to me. What do they mean to you?

Anita

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